I completely get this now. The occasional conflicts that arise from the wedding planning process are NOT superficial in that they reveal something important about the way both of you approach problem solving and view the world. And aspects of wedding planning are too emotionally loaded to hide away your true feelings.
Case-in-point: coming up with a list of “must play” and “try to play” songs for our DJ. At some point during the evening, it became less about the specific songs and more about the fact that I was pushing to get another item crossed off my check list, and he was needing a few more minutes to digest everything we’d come up with. In the process, although in the moment the conflict was painful, we learned something important about how we both need to come together in a fair middle ground in order to accomplish a mutual goal.
This is why wedding planning is good practice for marriage… not because you remind yourselves of the music you both love to listen to, but because you learn how to work together in ways that go beyond words.